My Final Words

This post is just to you,Sharon

remember on the 22nd night you asked me to send u a long msg?
i guess if i dint tell you today,there wont be another chance..

i typed the msg and saved it in my draft...
i dare not send because i knew if once i pressed the send button,
ur no longer mine...
you asked me to wait until friday to know your answer but the very next day...
you told me you cant be with me anymore...

" i dun knw if u mind i cal u piggy..hmm Pigy o piggy..nahh,i bo care u mind b0 mind i pun aneh call u d er..my piggy,oways my piggy!piggy o,u knw i mis u l0t l0t ma?hmm?ppl mis u al0t since the day u left me..n honestly i mis da time whn i hold u n kis u..piggy o,u still rmb da time ma whn i first hold ur hand n muakx u..ur so nervous n ur hand cold cold de..n ur face was so chubby tat time ner..piggy o,u nt say wan marry me in future de ma?c u wear juleng leng de bridal dress walk in n hold ju my hand n that shows ur mine forever..piggy rmb say wan gv me at least one baby de ma hmm?gal gal geh toh like mummy aneh aisui ban leng leng er..boy boy geh toh like daddyaneh active in sports o..piggy..these few days u gt mis me ma hmm?piggy the nxt time whn i c u,cn u hug hug u gok ma?piggy o tel u a secret har...I LOVE YOU NOW AND FOREVER ERR!MUAKX"

this was the msg i werebout to send u..
i guess it wun appear on ur screen anymore..
i hope u might still view my blog here..
i tried to view ur blog..
but its no longer there anymore..
i understand u wan ur new life
u wanna forget all the past..
i dun blame you..
i knew i did wrong..
i admit that im wrong im sorry...

but there are lots of times im not like what u said soo serious de u knw ma?
during our time u just think on ur own n u never let me have the chance to talk to u and u choose to talk to ur fren and make like im soo serious in the end after ppl all ask u to brk with me and u gave up..
pls sharon..
think back..
for a year..
not a week not a month
but a year
all these while did my heart change to other person?
ur the one who always gave me up..
its okay..
i guess u dunwanna listen to my explanation anymore..
but i realy hope u can view my last post here..
i wan u to c the last msg that i wanted to send u
i never wanna let go but i knw..
i hurt u too deep and u will never turn back

if the one reading this post nw is not sharon,can you please help me to tell her that jayren wants her to read my blog here now..

sharon,i promise u i wont interrupt ur life again k?
i promise i will turn to become a better person in future..
all the best to you and hope u find a better guy soon...
thats what i can say to u..
i failed to carry ur life forever
thanks for what you gave me before
i appreciate it well

after this year,we dont knw whr will we go..
we might leave forever to further our studies
and until the day we met again,i knew it wun be the same
but i do hope that time ur holding a guy's hand and perhaps a baby and tell them that..
baby,thats mummy teenage time de best friend oo

and till the day i can see that..
i knew my duty has come to an end..

"as we go on,we remember..all the times we had together...as our life changed,come whatever,we will still be,friends forever~~~"

Ending of third day

i woke up...
the very first thg i did
i look at my phone...
its just my wallpaper...
its nothing there...

i turned back to my pillow
i knew it will be the same...
she wont be back to me...

days in school passes as usual

today im sad and heart pain of smthg
she went out late..
i dont know who she is being with now and what they are doing
i choose to dont know better

im sad and heartbreak today i dont know why
she should be staying at home thinking of me and..and miss me rite?

JAYREN!!!!
wake up!!!
u are not her bf anymore!!u are not anymore!!!
she is not the guai gf that u always thought..
not anymore!!!
i broke down...
i became sad and guai but she changed in the first day we brk off..
why???

i know she will be with at least a guy out there now...
and till here i knw...
sharon can put me down easily..
she doesnt like me anymore..
she wants her new life which i had promise to god...
if sharon likes it...
fulfill her...
if sharon will feel happy,
fulfill her too

today she can go out late night although ones she told me before she could never ever go out anymore even i date her during our time together...
i think she choose not to go out with me...
its okay le jayren...
let me console u...
i dont know what else can she do other day..

Jayren..
today u realise something le...
sharon totaly not urs anymore..
SHE IS TOTALY NOT URS ANYMORE!!!

im knida stupid that i thought i can everyday write a post...
1st,2nd,3rd,4th,5th day and continuously everyday to let her know someday that all these while i still try hard to hold her back...
just because i thought sharon still love me...
she will be guai towards me...
im wrong...
i went to her fb profile and i saw lot of thgs that are totaly diff frm last time...
i duno why she will change so...
im inactive in fb because i knw she dun like i chart lots with girls...
i...i...
im too stupid i guess...

its okay jayren...
everythg will be fine...
since sharon have her own life without me anymore...
i too should learn to have my own life d...
at here
i would like to tell myself a secret...

5/8
today onwards its time for u to let go sharon d...
u gotta knw its imposible d after today...

forget everythg bout her ba...
dont campur tangan in her stuf anymur...
she is a big girl now...
she knows what she wants...

and so i tell myself..
i dont know wheather i can make it
but i will strive hard not to get through her anymore...
i change my hp no.
i wont be seeing her anymore.
i hope i can get myself out of this..
bye sharon...
i will still update my blog till the day i feel im tired...

i will be flying tmr morning...
i wun be going to sch d...
i hope this trip i can forget everythg that had been through

and ones again...
goodluck to u in life
and i will still pray for the one i love..
i leave not because i dont love u anymore but i leave as a friend who loves u and hope u have a better life...

teddy ur my partner till the day my life ends...

Bye sharon and take care...
God bless her

3rd day..

So fast agn..
3rd day of my single life came in..its so fast agn..

Its 12 nw ,i lay d0wn..
As usual,i cnt fal aslp..i cnt slp..

Its a brand new day..

I change handphone today..bt...
Its nth towards me nw..
What i wan back is my sharon..

I vry sad..i dun0 hw to tel..
I feel vry pain inside..

I have two sleepless night le..

I mis sharon alot..
We used to say i love u bii before we slp..
I used to gt ur kis b4 i slp bt nw..no more le..

At least that time i cn lay down peacefully bcux i knw the nxt day i woke up i wil stil c u with me..

Now i hardly close my eyes bcux i knew..i wun b c-ing u tmr d..

I need sleeping pills..

Wednesday had past..
I din hav the chance to c sharon..

I just spoke to teddy..i asked teddy..
Teddy..
Hw wil tmr b?
Teddy just smiled..
I asked teddy
Does sharon stil lov me?
Teddy smiled agn..
I asked teddy..
Wil sharon stil bek to me?
Teddy smilled..

The smile..
I realise that it was telling me..
Boy..never ask bout anythg that havent happen..
Ask urself...
Cn u make tmr a better day?
And i tell teddy..
I just wan sharon to be happy tmr..
I cnt lost evrythg bt i jx wan sharon to be happy tmr..
Teddy cn u protect sharon?
Teddy cn u take care of sharon while im nt with her?

Teddy says..there will be another teddy there taking care of sharon..dun wry..

And so..i start to go to bed..gud nite my dear,i lov u..muakxx...

Wednesday

Biibii,i bath first yea
Biibii u go ad ma??
Biibii i want reach le...

U still remember all tis ma?
Its wednesday,today is wednesday..
Its the day which i anticipated the most evry week becux im about to c u..
We arrived..
I order my favourite dessert..
U came,u hug me frm bhind..
We share our thgs..
We went to sunshine,i bought a mentos duo and sweets that u lik..
In the class
U hold my hand..
U drew my hand..
U highlighted my hand..
Last week u wrote on my hand
Never leave sharon alone..
I hold ur waist..

All these..
Are the sweet moments we had been through..

No more le..im sad to tink bout it..
I fel pain deeply inside my heart..
I duno r u goin tution tonite?
But..
I wont be going there anymore..
I knw u wont wanna c me anymore..
I knw evryone bside u hate me le
I dont even dare to face myself nw..
Im a bad guy..
God bless sharon..
U cn take anythg in my life in order to exchange a happier life for sharon..
Bless her wherever she goes..
I wont b there taking of her anymur n no one wil gonna take care me tis lil kid anymur..
I knw i dun want to say this but as myself..i would lik to say that..
I pray to god,pray tht sharon will find a better guy..tat wil realy take care of her n wun disapoint her..
U cn take anythg frm me just to gv sharon better future..
I wanna cry out agn..
Nobody cares what i do n hw i feel anymore..
I dont knw wil sharon stil view my blog..
But i hope one day if she c all this agn,she is already in a relationship with a better guy..
Sharon,i owe u alot..
I wont left to say i lov u evryday
I LOVE U!

Until the day i stop posting all these,that means..i stand up and b a better guy in future d..

Nothings gonna change my love for u sweetheart..

Hardly n sad to say..

But i hope u cn get tis through soon and forget me..
Til the day u put down me le,pls forgive me..
Tonite..
Guai guai study chemi yea..
Want exam lu..
Bless sharon gt gud result and healthy life..

And before it ends..

This r wt i usualy txt n said to u..

Ahbii,muakxx..
I wont face sharon to say this anymore..
I wil just imagine,ur still there for me whenever i need someone..

I kneel down..and i said

Thanks god for giving me a memorable year 09-10 with sharon..

2nd day without you

Soo fast..
Its da 2nd day since we broke off..
Times passes so fast that i dont knw whn will b the day u forgive n forget me..
Its a bad day for me today..
I hardly fel aslp yst..
Whnever i close my eyes i saw u walking further n further frm me,im scare to close my eyes..
I lov teddy..
I lov all the big teddy in the world..
Sharon u knw why?
Because i treat thm lik u whnever ur nt with me..
I hug them evryday n nite..imagine u were thr 4 me to hug..
Used to b whn i c u,i wil hold u tightly in my arms..
I hug teddy whole nite,i talk to teddy..
I knw only u wil view my blog..
I ask n ask teddy..
I cnt together bck with u d?
Cn u hit me or cn u teach me wt t0 do t0 make sharon forgive me..
I asked alot..
Bt teddy just smile to me n he's lik telling me that..
Boy,let sharon hav her time,her new life..
Mayb someday whn u guys met each other u stil cn b gud frens..
I cried on teddy..i aint ashamed to tel here..
I cried..
I wanna cry out loud to u..
I wan u to listen wat i said..
Bt i end up struggling myself to chin..
I hold my tears because i knew its enuf..
Im a boy,turning to b a guy..
I hav to stay strong to face any posible challenge..

My day 2..
It ends with tears on teddy..
Another teddy is with u..he always smile to u too..teddy lovs u too,hug him n say..
Bie,i lov u..
Cn u?

:-(

2nd day without you

Soo fast..
Its da 2nd day since we broke off..
Times passes so fast that i dont knw whn will b the day u forgive n forget me..
Its a bad day for me today..
I hardly fel aslp yst..
Whnever i close my eyes i saw u walking further n further frm me,im scare to close my eyes..
I lov teddy..
I lov all the big teddy in the world..
Sharon u knw why?
Because i treat thm lik u whnever ur nt with me..
I hug them evryday n nite..imagine u were thr 4 me to hug..
Used to b whn i c u,i wil hold u tightly in my arms..
I hug teddy whole nite,i talk to teddy..
I knw only u wil view my blog..
I ask n ask teddy..
I cnt together bck with u d?
Cn u hit me or cn u teach me wt t0 do t0 make sharon forgive me..
I asked alot..
Bt teddy just smile to me n he's lik telling me that..
Boy,let sharon hav her time,her new life..
Mayb someday whn u guys met each other u stil cn b gud frens..
I cried on teddy..i aint ashamed to tel here..
I cried..
I wanna cry out loud to u..
I wan u to listen wat i said..
Bt i end up struggling myself to chin..
I hold my tears because i knew its enuf..
Im a boy,turning to b a guy..
I hav to stay strong to face any posible challenge..

My day 2..
It ends with tears on teddy..
Another teddy is with u..he always smile to u too..teddy lovs u too,hug him n say..
Bie,i lov u..
Cn u?

:-(

My love~~~my ex

I dont care who or what ppl gonna say on me...
I feel realy hard nw...
I knw its imposible to leave u down by my side anymore..
Im sad..
Realy pain deeply in my heart..
All these while that we've been togetha came to an end..
Ur tired le...
U did alot le..
Now its time for u to rest and start a new life...
I..
I dont want to say much..
All my mind just thinking our memorable past nw..
I wanna be honest
I love sharon
I need sharon

But all these is too late..its too late..i never even realise that friday would be the last time holding u in my arms and take a look at u..i regret i dint hold u nor look at u longer...

I dont wanna tink bek nw

We wont b together d..we cnt contact d..
We cnt c each otha anymur..

In the future..
Blog wil b the place i share my feelings..
I hope when u came back to c my blog..
U wil recall evrythg of us..
Cux i dun wanna let go..